Mike Cornelison

Letters from the Lunar Outpost

The customs and fashions of men change like leaves on the bough, some of which go and others come.
- Dante, Italian Poet (1265-1321)

Monday's Child, Tuesday's Child, Wednesday's Child, Thursday's Child, Friday's Child, Saturday's Child, Sunday's Child

You can tell a lot from the day of the week that a child was born . . .

Mondays child is fair of face,
Tuesdays child is full of grace,
Wednesdays child is full of woe,
Thursdays child has far to go,
Fridays child is loving and giving,
Saturdays child works hard for his living,
And the child that is born on the Sabbath day
Is bonny and blithe, and good and gay.

So which child are you?

Month:

Day:

Year:
e.g. 1990



You were born on a

Of course, if you were born on a Sunday, you might be more inclined to believe this fortune-telling nursery rhyme than if you were born on a Wednesday, but it’s interesting to check it nonetheless.

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The Patriots are cheaters.If you’re still in denial about whether the Patriots got caught cheating again with DeflateGate, don’t get distracted by all the heat Tom Brady’s been taking, the real reason the Patriots have been using deflated balls is the ground game.

There’s nothing more random in the game of football than fumbles. A team can lead the league in fumbles one year and then have the fewest fumbles the next. It is the most random element in football, and even more so when you consider the fact that guys who are prone to fumbling don’t last too long in the league. So considering that, consider the impossible coincidence of this statistic:

The Patriots ratio of 187 plays to 1 fumble is the BEST of ANY team in the NFL for ANY 5 year span of time over the last 25 years. Not was it just the best, it isn’t close:

2010-2014 Patriots: 187 plays/fumble
2009-2013 Patriots: 156 plays/fumble
2006-2010 Colts: 156 plays/fumble
2005-2009 Colts: 153 plays/fumble
2007-2011 Patriots: 149 plays/fumble
2008-2012 Patriots: 148 plays/fumble
2010-2014 Texans: 140 plays/fumble
2004-2008 Colts: 139 plays/fumble
2006-2010 Jets: 135 plays/fumble
1999-2003 Chiefs: 134 plays/fumble

Source: Sharp Football Analysis

You would have thought that after having been handed a game they’d lost with that ridiculous call in the Tuck Game, getting gifted a path to their first Super Bowl would have been fortune enough for the Patriots to decide to really focus on winning fair and square, but they never thanked their lucky stars long enough to focus on playing inside the rules.

I have a real hard time rooting for any team in neon green, there really should be a rule in the NFL against teams wearing dayglo colors anywhere on their uniforms, but I’m going to have to look past those godawful team colors and root for Seattle this Sunday. Eff those cheating Patriots, go Seahawks!

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This is what trivia addiction looks like.

They say that the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Well, it’s time for me to finally come clean. Yes friends, my name is Mike and I am a trivia addict and this is what trivia addiction looks like.

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A study from the Journal of Clinical Psychology tells us that only 8% of New Year’s Resolutions are successfully achieved, so before giving my own 2015 resolution mention here, I waited to see if I could make it through the first week. Good news – one week down, fifty-one to go. But before we get to my resolution, let’s take a look at what that study lists as the top ten resolutions from last year:

  • Lose Weight
  • Getting Organized
  • Spend Less, Save More
  • Enjoy Life to the Fullest
  • Staying Fit and Healthy
  • Learn Something Exciting
  • Quit Smoking
  • Help Others in Their Dreams
  • Fall in Love
  • Spend More Time with Family

Just watching the barrage of exercise machine, fitness club and diet plan commercials that air around the beginning of every year, you know “losing weight” and “staying fit” would be at or near the top of the list. I’m a little surprised to see that a lot of people make a new year’s resolution to fall in love, but now that I see it on the list, it does seem like around the beginning of the year, there’s also a surge in online dating commercials and spam in my inbox as well.

One positive sign of the times, you’d have to imagine that in years past, quitting smoking had to be right up there at the top with losing weight. The fact quitting smoking is now down at number seven shows just how much smoking is losing its grip on America. Another positive sign is the fact that so many people are thinking of helping others when they make their own resolutions.

Thumbs UpSo now to my resolution – it certainly won’t make any popularity lists, it’s presumptuous, it’s audacious and it’s so general it’s almost ridiculous, but my resolution for 2015 is to be positive in everything I do.

Especially for me, a guy who seems to feed and thrive on sarcasm and negativity, it almost sounds too lofty a resolution for an entire day let alone an entire year, but I decided to be positive about my chances as well! It all starts with the thought process, and those thoughts are then manifest in the things you write and say.

As far as the thoughts go, I had to make a distinction between allowing the occasional healthy thoughts of self-preservation (this person seems shady or that sounds like a bad idea) which may sound negative on the surface but can keep you out of harm’s way and avoiding the kind of negativity which is just negative for the sake of being negative and serves no useful purpose. This is the most difficult part of the process as even the most disciplined of Tibetan monks would have a hard time controlling every thought of every waking moment, so I’m going to cut myself slack when useless negative thoughts creep in and just be resolved to stifle it when it happens.

As far as the things I write and say, this is something far more easily controlled by the conscious mind and so far, I must admit, I am totally nailing it. It’s amazing how much lighter my spirits feel after one week of having no negativity pass through my lips or my keyboard.

So if you wonder why you haven’t been seeing my incisive wit and my scathing critiques on politics, now you know why. Of course, that won’t keep me from liking your political posts on Facebook, after all, just like a pat on the back, a like on Facebook is a positive thing, right?

      accentuate-the-positive.mp3

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The Interview

Last night, the wife and I went to seetheinterview.com and for $6 we got to see what the most infamous movie of the 21st century was all about.

After my initial excitement earlier in the month, I saw one commercial with a couple lame clips and heard a few murmurs (including a leaked email from a Sony exec calling the movie “desperately unfunny“) which started lowering my expectations, but we began watching the movie with an open mind. From the beginning, it was typical Seth Rogen fare – drug addled, kind of juvenile, lots of jokes about dudes being gay – but Pineapple Express and This Is the End had me laughing pretty hard, so I had no problem going along with it.

For the first half-hour, my running evaluation had it as “worth watching”, though not much more, but as the movie progressed, it really did get better and better. What had me surprised was how much my wife began cracking up once the movie really got into gear with Kim Jung-il, she’s pretty conservative and anything gratuitous (drugs, sex, swearing, whatever) usually has her flustered a bit, but the movie was making her laugh hard enough to overcome all but a few objections.

I won’t give away any spoilers, but I will say that the movie pulls no punches in telling just how evil that fat little tyrant really is. It’s a pretty silly romp for the most part, no surprise that critics are split at 49% positive, and while a 70% positive rating from the regular fans isn’t stellar, you can definitely count me in with the 70%. I give it rating of 4.5 / 5.

We went fully thematic that night and made it a North Korean trilogy, following The Interview with Team America: World Police and National Geographic’s incredible documentary Inside North Korea. Crazy fare for a Christmas Eve, but then again what could be more Christ-like than to take a few hours and turn our attention to some of the most brutalized and destitute people on the face of the Earth.

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Currently Listening To:

Team of Rivals
by
Doris Kearns Goodwin