Letters from the Lunar Outpost

Monthly Archives: April 2012

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So you probably heard the news that Team Obama has finally come up with a slogan for the 2012 campaign. Continuing in the same brainwashing vein as they worked with the single-word mass-hypnosis of HOPE and CHANGE, the new slogan is . . . FORWARD.




In an Internet exclusive, I have obtained a pre-release version of the very first commercial for the Obama 2012 FORWARD campaign:


Finally, you can make the “Best Of” list for tomorrow by tweeting your favorite #Obama2012Slogans today!!!

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Dan Savage Bullies Christian Kids

A friend of mine turned me on to Don Savage’s “It Gets Better” video and it’s a video with a great message. For a kid getting picked on more than the norm, a kid getting brutally picked on, the best thing I could think of to tell them is to just hold on, it gets better, all you have to do is make it through and you’ll be amazed what an entirely different world awaits you once you’re done with high school. So it’s a great message and no doubt its had a positive impact.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let me tell you why Dan Savage is an asshole.

As a guy who got bullied, as a guy who made a movie about bullying, you are the last person in the world who should be getting up in front of a large room of teenage kids and doing the bullying yourself! Are you kidding me?

Dan Savage, speaking to a large room of high school students attending a journalism conference sponsored by the National Scholastic Press Association and the Journalism Education Assocation:

We can learn to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about gay people — the same way we have learned to ignore the bullshit in the Bible about shellfish, about slavery, about dinner, about farming, about menstration, about virginity, about masturbation . . .

source: Fox News

Wow. Way to cherry pick the most obscure parts of the Old Testament and completely mock the holy book and faith of probably half the kids in the room as well as the 60% to 76% of Americans who identify themselves as Christian.

Is there like a negative image / reverse reality version of the Westboro Baptist Church somewhere where they teach this kind of garbage? You think Christians are ignoring teachings of the Old Testament? If you had spent half the time researching the New Testament as you have spent cherry picking through the Old Testament, you would know that Jesus’ arrival meant that many of those Old Testament rules had been superseded. You don’t throw out the entire Old Testament just because a few rules have been superseded!

Hey Dan, while we’re on the topic of Christianity, how many Christian countries can you name that are executing people for being homosexual? None? Yeah, that’s what I thought. So where’s your profanity-laden tirade against people of the Muslim faith? Where’s your outrage against the faith of half-a-dozen Islamic countries which make it common practice to KILL PEOPLE for no other reason than their being homosexuals? You’re picking on the wrong religion, asshole!

But wait, it gets better . . .

At one point Savage called Christian teenagers who walked out of the speech “pansy-assed.”

And how’s that for the ultimate irony? Dan Savage, the celebrated advocate for victims of bullying, speaking to a large room of teenage kids, spewing profanities, mocking people’s religion and calling the kids he insulted “pansy-assed” as they walked out the door. There he is folks, up there on the video screens, larger than any bully you ever met in the hallway.

Dan Savage Speaking to Teenage Students

And I just lost every ounce of sympathy I could have ever had for you for being bullied as a kid.

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Left-Wing Owns the Media

Remember when the media went ballistic in 2009 over the idea of Americans actually taking to the streets, giving voice to their beliefs and protesting policies they didn’t like?

It was called the Tea Party movement, and these Tea Partiers (or “teabaggers” as many in the media liked to call them) were branded by the media as “hateful.”

Remember how the non-existent mayhem of those “angry” Tea Party protests (which had a grand total of zero arrests) was followed in 2011 by the Occupy Movement, which the media celebrated as “populist,” “inspiring” and “possibly the greatest movement of our times?”

And remember how foolish the media looked by the time the “peaceful protests” of the Occupy Movement had managed to rack up over 4,000 arrests, among them incidents of arson, rape and murder?

I was thinking back on those two movements tonight, and it reminded me of how Janeane Garofalo chose to describe those “hateful” teabaggers in daring to question her beloved president. It always strikes me as funny when the most hateful person in the room starts going on a rant about who the real haters are. Take it away, Janeane:

Let’s be very honest about what this is about – it’s not about bashing Democrats, it’s not about taxes, they have no idea what the Boston Tea Party was about, they don’t know their history at all, this is about hating a black man in the White House. This is racism, straight up. That is nothing but a bunch of tea-banging rednecks and there is no way around that. And you know, you can tell these type of right-wingers anything and they’ll believe it, except the truth. You tell them the truth and they become, it’s like showing Frankenstein’s monster fire. They become confused and angry and highly volitile.

Janeane Garofalo - Nazi Mind in a Commie ShirtNow this is where the ugly rant of Ms. Garofalo turns to a level of hate that would make even a Nazi proud, because she starts spewing ideas that come straight from the most evil movement and hateful theory of the 20th century, eugenics and anthropometry. The eugenics movement was at the very core of Nazism itself, a belief in improving the species by eliminating the “inferior” races (an idea you can still find sentiments of in the Huffington Post today.) The theory of anthropometry was an important part of eugenics, an idea that by measuring a person’s forehead, the slope of that forehead, the shape and size of the nose, etc., you could actually measure a person’s intelligence.

Click here to see what anthropometry looked like.

Now check out Garofalo as she lets her anthropometric bigotry rise to a level even Josef Mengele would appreciate:

Their limbic brain, we’ve discussed this before, the limbic brain inside a right-winger or Republican or conservative or your average white power activist, the limbic brain is much larger inside their headspace, than in a reasonable person, and it’s pushing against the frontal lobe, so their synapses are misfiring … it is a neurological problem we’re dealing with.

Yes, because right-wingers and Republicans and conservatives and white power activists are all one in the same and anyone who doesn’t think like you do is an evil, brain-damaged monster. (How’s that for tolerance, a love of Democracy and an honest debate?)

Ms. Garofalo’s hate speech can be seen in this video here. The person who uploaded that video, Urban Alchemist, summarized the response of Garofalo and the mindset of a whole legion of Obama supporters perfectly:

When you don’t have a rational response to a legitimate criticism about economic policy… call them a racist.

Obama lovers began throwing the racist term around at anyone who dare question their dear leader, and it’s continued to this day and it will continue up until the election.

Now we don’t ever want to sink all the way down to the level of a Janeane Garofalo in her ugliness, but it is vital that we at least level the playing field. Knowing there will be a million mindless charges of racism thrown at anyone who would like to see Obama go one and done, we must try to imagine a little bit of Janeane Garofalo as a closet Republican, finally coming out:

Someone doesn’t like Romney’s plans for an economic recovery?


Someone criticizes Romney’s calls for a return to self-reliance?


Someone thinks Romney is just the wrong choice for America?


Someone argues Romney’s wrong in saying there’s too much government?


Someone cracks a joke about how Romney cuts his hair?


See how easy that is? I know, I know, it definitely doesn’t raise the level of the debate, but it sure does feel good to take that same kind of shit they’ve been slinging at us for so many years and sling it right back at them.

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Grandpa Texting

Texting for seniors! Yea! You go, you twenty-first century grandpa you!

I figured by this day and age, even the most non-tech-savvy of elderly people out there either have grandchildren or have seen enough kids around town with their thumbs flying on their little gadgets to skip the whole part of explaining what “texting” is and go straight to the good stuff.

I received this helpful guide in an email forward the other day (you know the kind of email you get that has all 20 or 30 recipients right there in the To: field for everyone to see?) and I figured it was well worth the share.

Texting for Seniors

Teenagers have their texting abbreviations (LOL, OMG, TTYL, etc.)

Not to be outdone by those little SNK (snot-nosed kids) now finally, we long-suffering seniors have our own texting abbreviations as well.

ATD – At The Doctor’s

BFF – Best Friend’s Funeral

BTW – Bring The Wheelchair

BYOT – Bring Your Own Teeth

CBM – Covered By Medicare

CUATSC – See You At The Senior Center

DWI – Driving While Incontinent

FWBB – Friend With Beta Blockers

FWIW – Forgot Where I Was

FYI – Found Your Insulin

GGPBL – Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low

GHA – Got Heartburn Again

GLOS – Grandkids Looking Over Shoulder

HGBM – Had Good Bowel Movement

IMHO – Is My Hearing-Aid On?

LMDO – Laughing My Dentures Off

LOL – Living On Lipitor

OMG – Oh My Gas!

OMMR – On My Massage Recliner

ROFL…CGU – Rolling on the Floor Laughing…Can’t Get Up!

TOT – Texting on Toilet

TTYL – Talk to You Louder

WTP – Where’s The Prunes

WWNO – Walker Wheels Need Oil

Hope these help!

GGLKI – Gotta Go, Laxative Kicking In

Nice job whoever started that email!

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As Obama continues his tour of daytime and late night talk shows and we’re treated to moments of awesomeness like watching the ladies of The View gush over how many different ways he’s wonderful and scenes of male newscasters giggling like little school girls over clips of Obama singing karaoke, the pop star president continued his media blitz as the campaign released a new version of the famous HOPE shirt.

Click here to see the shirt!

That’s Obama’s HOPE anyways, he HOPES that you’ll forget how he once famously said regarding the economy at the beginning of his term, “If I don’t have this done in three years, then there’s going to be a one-term proposition.” Obama’s HOPE is that you’ll be so overwhelmed by his breathtaking magnificence, that you’ll forget all about the rotten economy.

F*ck the economy and vote for the cool guy. We all know the media’s buying it, but are you?

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Currently Listening To:

Team of Rivals
Doris Kearns Goodwin