Letters from the Lunar Outpost

All things must change to something new, to something strange.
- Longfellow, American Poet (1807-1882)

Monthly Archives: December 2012

Where else but The Daily Mail can you get treated to a story like this?

A Tunisian man died after eating 28 raw eggs in one go for a bet. Dhaou Fatnassi, 20, allegedly wagered a friend he could eat 30 raw eggs in a row, for which he would receive an undisclosed sum. Mr Fatnassi, from Kairouan in north-east Tunisia, managed 28 eggs before he collapsed with severe stomach pains. He was rushed to a nearby hospital but was pronounced dead on arrival.

Source: The Daily Mail

Damn, only two eggs short too, can you believe it?

Unfortunately, this is the sum total of the details we receive before our gracious reporter, Sara Malm, goes on to explain in the next three paragraphs how raw eggs are dangerous and can contain salmonella, but hey, obvious as it may seem to anyone old enough to open a web browser, it’s probably a good idea as a writer to include those concluding paragraphs as a “do not try this at home” disclaimer. (You would think that the fact the guy supposedly died after the stunt might be warning enough, however.)

I’m a big fan of Sara Malm, as a writer on the odd curiosities beat, she’s a versatile writer and a lot of fun to read, but I must admit that this latest post had me a bit wanting for more.

Before you post this article, can you please dig up a few more details, like what the price in Tunisia is for eating thirty raw eggs???

As eager as you must have been to submit this little tidbit from the wire, you absolutely have to make some calls and find out for your readers what the offer was on the bet before you post it, so we can compare the bet with what we might imagine might be a comparable offer here in our home countries and how that might match with our own personal price. (Don’t kid yourself, everyone has a price.)

More importantly, I wonder, how the hell did this guy die after eating twenty-eight raw eggs? The guy was twenty-years-old! If the man really had salmonella poisoning, it’s going to take at least forty-eight hours of being curled up in the fetal position without medical attention before it could be fatal.

As much as I want to file this guy as a last minute entry into the 2012 Darwin Awards, I’m going to hold off on that submission. One, because there’s no way that a guy can die within moments of eating that twenty-eighth raw egg, and two, because for the proper price, I’d probably take that bet and live to tell about it.

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As if his frequent visits to The View hadn’t already treated us to enough of it, in the most recent propaganda piece, err – I mean, news interview aired on our beloved Obama State Media, Barbara Walters served up a particularly warm and gooey dish of Thanksgiving chat with the Obamas.

Buried inbetween all the regular questions about how worderful it must feel to be such a super awesome president however, there was one little bit of insight to be found when Obama attempted to connect with the dads at home:

President Barack Obama revealed the ‘real reason’ he wanted a second term as president is because his daughter Malia, age 14, is about to start dating boys. ‘One of the main incentives of running was continued Secret Service protection so we can have men with guns around at all times,’ the father of two joked.

Source: The Daily Mail.

Like a joke about a shotgun wedding, Obama’s line is supposed to connect in a folksy way with all the protective fathers out there but of course, the joke falls flat when you consider that ex-presidents receive that Secret Service protection for life and it also fails to connect when you consider all the dads watching at home are the ones footing the bill and will never be privileged to actually receive that kind of Secret Service protection.

Hey though, guns are cool, right? As long as they’re in the hands of a federally licensed agent, right?

Maybe most importantly, we must consider how Obama’s little bit of homespun humor comes from the lips of a man who once mocked suburban Democrats voting against him as a bunch of dimwits who “cling to their guns” and religion.

Newtown Connecticut Shooting Must Be Exploited Rep. Jerrold Nadler Says

The opportunity to enact gun control “will be there if the president exploits it.” – Democrat Rep. Jerrold Nadler

In trying to exploit the tragedy of Sandy Hook, liberal politicians and their propagandist co-workers in the media have been eager to mock the idea of armed guards at schools, so it’s interesting to consider the fact that the same school both the Obama daughters and the children of NBC gun-control advocate David Gregory attend has eleven armed guards(not including the secret service detail).

Barack Obama may have never owned a gun personally, but as a priviledged member of the ruling class, he can rest assured that federal restrictions on gun rights for the average American will never affect the safety of him and his children, but what’s even more interesting is noting the fact that two of the most vocal Democrat proponents of new gun control laws had spoken previously of their own respect for the right to bear arms.

Senator Dianne Feinstein in a 1995 Senate hearing:

I know the sense of helplessness that people feel. I know the urge to arm yourself because that’s what I did. I was trained in firearms. I walked to the hospital when my husband was sick. I carried a concealed weapon and I made the determination if somebody was going to try and take me out, I was going to take them with me.

Standing alongside NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre at the opening of a Nevada shooting range, Harry Reid waxed nostalgic in recounting this:

We hear a lot about guns and self-defense, and that’s good, I understand that. I was a police officer where I carried a gun and as some of you know during my time being chairman of the Nevada gaming commission, I had a lot of bad people after me and I carried a gun every place I went. So I know what gun self-defense is, but for me, guns are more than that. In fact, the most important part of guns, as far as I’m concerned, in my personal life, is the recreational aspects of guns.

Growing up as I did out there in Searchlight, we didn’t go on vacations, we didn’t do things I guess a lot of other people around the country did, but the one thing we did, is, we did every thing we could, four brothers, to stay together. I can remember all four Reid brothers, we took a ride out to Piout Springs and we shot dove and just because we killed those birds, we built a little fire there and we ate them. Now frankly they weren’t very good, but we had such a wonderful, wonderful time, we cooked them ourselves right there in that little outdoor fire, we ate ’em on sticks, that’s what this [the opening of the shooting range] is all about. People who criticize this probably would criticize baseball or football or soccer. These are programs to bring us together in different ways.”

Sources: mrctv and YouTube

Taking your kids to the shooting range, just as American as baseball and apple pie, right Harry? So how come you’re on board with gun control laws you opposed just two years ago, Harry?

That is the ruling elite, right there folks. They know they’ve got their paid bodyguards and Secret Service details to keep their asses safe, but if you’re one of the common folk (you know, those bitter clingers Obama referred to?) it’s just a couple more election cycles until they figure they’ll have the numbers to send the gun collection trucks to your front door.

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Here’s the latest from the loony bin over at The Daily Beast:

Militant exponents of the Second Amendment have put 80,000 signatures on a petition to deport CNN host Piers Morgan because they disapprove of the way he makes use of his rights under the First. The irony is almost too obvious to ridicule. Yet these are dark and daunting times. All of us can use any laugh we can get. So let’s ridicule away.

Source: The Daily Beast

Piers Morgan Tells Americans To Give Up Their GunsTo a gun grabber like David Frum, who sees a laugh riot of hypocrisy in the 83,000 who signed the White House petition to deport Piers Morgan, he’s obviously incapable of considering the fact that there could be two sides to every hypocritical coin.

Forget the fact that the rights in The Constitution are addressed to “We the People of the United States,” how dare we question a foreigner’s First Amendment rights to use CNN as a soapbox to deride and assault the Second Amendment? Invoke the rights of one Amendment to drum up an insurrection to defeat the other – no hypocrisy there, right?

My favorite part of the story though, is the part where the Brits responded to the White House petition with a petition of their own, saying they don’t want Piers back.

Piers Morgan should shut his British piehole and realize the American people already fought twice to win and maintain our independence from his country and that those two wars are just two of the many reasons why it’s just as vital to preserve the Second Amendment as it is to preserve the First.

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[mp3j autoplay=”y” track=”http://www.mikecornelison.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/06-Opus-Pocus.mp3″]

So my buddy’s wife was asking for a drum set for Christmas and we were hanging out as he was buying it online and it was a nice little kit, but who would’ve thunk it, she wasn’t happy at all with the gift! Turns out what she really wanted was some steel drums! Wow, talk about a “lost in translation” situation. So the drum kit will probably just sit in their house gathering dust, and now he’s going to end up spending less money on the gift she really wanted.

After he told me this and I was done laughing, the thought of steel drums made me think of a transcription I did and a little music I’d like to share with you. Even if you’re not a musician and you don’t read music, it’s still kind of fun to try to read along and see each and every note that Jaco plays on that fretless bass of his.

Listen to the sound of Jaco’s bass. When he came out with his self-titled debut album in 1976, there had never been anything like it. It was like a revelation to musicians across the world.

Jaco Pastorius was to the bass like Hendrix was to the guitar, you could say there was guitar playing before Hendrix and then there was guitar playing after Hendrix. Same thing with Jaco, there was the pre-Jaco era, and then the post-Jaco era. He blew the doors wide open and every bass player who came after Jaco was stepping through those doors.

Listen to that sound of Jaco’s bass on this song! What a brilliant composer he was, to go from that freaky, spooky sound on the verses to some straight-up, kick ass funk on the choruses. There aren’t many things in this world that are as beautiful as the way Jaco played his bass.

Jaco Pastorius, Opus Pocus pg.1

Jaco Pastorius, Opus Pocus pg.2

Jaco Pastorius, Opus Pocus pg.3

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Narcissus Finds the Most Beautiful Thing in the World

Narcissus Discovers the Most Beautiful Thing in the World – His Own Reflection.

[mp3j autoplay=”y” track=”http://www.mikecornelison.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/i-feel-pretty.mp3″]

Have you ever met that woman whose favorite sound is the sound of her own voice and whose favorite topic is herself? I think we all have.

Barack Obama is that woman. He is so that woman.

Greek Mythology’s Narcissus may have been a man, but I speak of Obama as “that woman” because obsessive vanity and self-absorption are primarily feminine traits.

Of course, when it comes to self-absorption, nothing can top how Obama, upon first meeting the Queen of England, thought it would be an awesome gift to bestow upon her royal highness an iPod loaded with the beloved sound of his own voice making speeches.


Then there was that time Obama posed for a group photo of world leaders and raised his hand to wave to the camera, completely oblivious to the fact that in doing so, he was blocking the face of the man standing right beside him, Mongolian President Tsakhia Elbegdorj.

You and I and everyone else we know have been taking group photos since we were in kindergarten. As a joke you might make rabbit ears behind the head of the person standing next to you, but have you ever known anyone so consumed with themselves that they could pose for a group photo raising their hand, completely unaware of the fact that they were blocking the face of the person standing next to them?

The photo looked so ridiculous, many were convinced it had to be photoshopped, but of course, it turned out to be the real deal – yet another example of one man’s monomania on full display.

As Charles Krauthammer once noted, “Obama is the kind of guy who habitually refers to Cabinet members and other high government officials as ‘my’ — ‘my secretary of homeland security,’ ‘my national security team,’ ‘my ambassador.’ The more normal — and respectful — usage is to say ‘the,’ as in ‘the secretary of state.’ These are, after all, public officials sworn to serve the nation and the Constitution — not just the man who appointed them.”

But probably Obama’s most impressive achievements in building his own great pyramid of self-worship can be found in the unprecedented numbers of self-references he manages to squeeze into every speech he makes.

When the Navy SEALS took out Bin Laden, Obama found it as an opportunity to reference himself thirteen times in that one short speech, waiting until the very end to add a few words about the men who had actually put their lives on the line.

In a typical Obama speech, we can find him using the words, “I,” “me” and “my” twenty-seven times in under five minutes.

But you know the president’s self-love has gotten utterly out of hand when Obama speaks at the funeral of Senator Daniel Inouye and even the Obama-lovin’ Slate has to break out with the headline Today We Are Gathered … To Hear More About Me.

The subhead goes on further to say:

President Obama was supposed to eulogize the memory of Sen. Daniel Inouye. Instead he told us about his favorite summer vacation.


Seriously, who does that? Who speaks at a funeral and is so totally oblivious to the reason why everyone is gathered there? What kind of self-obsessed asshole takes what’s supposed to be a eulogy celebrating the life of the person who passed away and instead imagines it to be yet another perfect opportunity to speak lovingly of their own favorite topic: themselves?

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Currently Listening To:

Team of Rivals
Doris Kearns Goodwin