Letters from the Lunar Outpost

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.
- Mark Twain, American Humorist and Writer (1835-1910)

Monthly Archives: June 2013

It was now twenty years passed since the Obama Ascendancy had ushered in the beginning of the Reign of Enlightenment. Twenty full years since the ability of the Republicants to challenge our Glorious Democratic Party had begun dwindling with each successive election.

As the power of our Glorious Dems grew, there had been calls from many to have the Republicants outlawed completely, one channel in particular – MSNBC – devoted most hours of the day to pushing for a ban on the Republicants, but as voter ID laws were struck down across the nation and then Affirmative Action was applied to allow the most disenfranchised citizens to vote multiple times according to their ethnic suffrage or their position on the poverty scale, wiser heads prevailed and it was decided there would really be no need to outlaw the Republicants after all. The “t” in Republicant was officially added to the party’s name and the party was allowed to continue it’s existence, if nothing more than to mainly serve as fodder for the punchlines to every political joke on American television.

Could it really have been just twelve years since Hillary Clinton’s historic win, with the Glorious Democratic Party retaining the White House and finally regaining full control of both Houses of Congress? How awesome it had been to witness our GDP united in passing the Fairness Doctrine, the sweeping legislation regulating all aspects of media reporting which ultimately wiped out the scourge of Faux News from the television landscape and silenced all the evils of right-wing hate being spread on talk radio.

Now, all the contentiousness and unpleasantness of the political debate was gone. Instead of having to hear the Republicants with their divisive questions and their complete ingratitude for all the great progress made since the election of Our Dear Leader Obama, how pleasant it was now to tune into political themed programs where the object of the debate was always to see who could speak of our supreme and benevolent leaders in the most devotional and inspiring terms.

Even while all these great changes were happening, however, still there were still some who plotted to return this country to the Dark Days of the Unenlightened, the days where the government wasn’t there to play the central role in all the people’s lives, the days where no one was there to monitor our every phone call and communication to make sure that we did not stray from the Enlightened Path. These were the agitators who ranted about “freedoms” or “the rights of the individual”, cowards hiding behind proxies on the Internet, people who didn’t have the common decency to speak of their anti-societal views out in the open where a coworker, friend or family member could report their verbal treason to the proper agencies and have them assigned to a fine re-education school where they could get the help they need.

These teabagger rabble-rousers and former viewers of Faux News, they had all coalesced into a single group known simply as “Anonymous”, a group sworn to turn back all the progressive accomplishments that had been made during the Reign of Enlightenment. The Mandatory Morning Message delivered to all the workers in America warned daily of these evil insurrectionists, but for the most part they remained shrouded and unknown, militant in their anonymity, to the point where it was said that even many cohabitant couples would hold their secrecy to the point of both being ignorant of the other’s involvement.

So the members of Anonymous plotted together, never knowing the faces of their co-conspirators, split into thousands of small little cells so that should a couple dozen be compromised, there would always be plenty more cells to take their place and contribute their own share to the mayhem. These enemies of the people, these lunatics who would not give up their talk of the founding fathers and that outdated and superseded document they continued to insist upon calling “The Constitution”, these delusional misfits and miscreants were plotting something on a scale that had never been seen and though our own government was well aware that something was planned for that Fourth of July in the year 20 After Obama, they had no idea how great the scope and fury was of what was about to rain down upon them.

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Who moved the Nixon portrait?

One of my unhealthy indulgences is hanging out at left-wing websites and seeing what the liberal minions have to say on the issues of the day. It is absolutely amazing how well programmed some of these Obamabots are in responding to the revelations that the Obama administration has expanded it’s snooping deep into the lives of everyday Americans. From the very same people who were in hysterics over the Bush administration’s program of monitoring foreign enemies, we now have Obama lovers twisting themselves into pretzels trying to justify the Obama administration putting the Surveillance State on steroids.

Well, not all lefties are blind to any wrong as long as it comes with a (D) after the name. Witness three of Obama’s biggest Hollywood supporters now calling evil is as evil does.

You want to talk about having fallen out of love, John Cusack even goes on to say, Obama’s not just as bad as Nixon, he’s worse.

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It was just yesterday as I was driving to work that I heard an ad on the radio touting how 5-Hour Energy had sold one-and-a-half billion bottles of their energy shots. Today, after 1.5 billion bottles sold, someone finally released a study on the energy drink.

Despite the “special blend” of ingredients, energy drinks work no better than ordinary caffeine at helping us pay attention, a new study suggests. “A lot of people take the energy drinks because they think they have that extra boost over caffeine,” said study researcher Chelsea Benham, a student at Centre College in Danville, Ky. But the study shows “there’s really no difference,” Benham said.

source: Live Science

I tend to go for the big cans of energy drink and I always wondered if the taurine and the ginseng and all the other exotic sounding ingredients listed on the cans actually did anything . . . this study suggests they don’t.

The article goes on to say that the 215 milligrams are equal to the amount of caffeine in two cups of coffee, the only difference being that with 5-Hour Energy, the caffeine gets into your system quicker as you down it in a single shot.

Turns out that little box of NoDoz at the 99-cent store has just about 56 bottles of 5-Hour Energy in it.

No-Doz

Here’s an interesting read about “the mysterious monk”, Manoj Shargava, the billionaire behind those little $3 bottles of caffeine. I like the part where he keeps a “graveyard” of bottles of all the competitors he’s knocked off the market.

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It is an absolute freak show over at MSNBC, no doubt about that, but as nutty as most of that channel’s fruit cakes are, one man is taking his brand of crazy to levels unmatched by his peers.

Behold the horror of one man and his chronic obsession with race:

How can you not marvel at a guy who starts by claiming that those who see the president as having a hand in the IRS gestapo techniques are doing so “despite the complete lack of any evidence”, and then, DESPITE THE COMPLETE LACK OF ANY EVIDENCE, he goes on to accuse all who dare question this president as being racists!

You know how you tell who the real racist is? It’s the guy who thinks everyone else around him is a racist.

While most of us are trying to bring forth a color blind world, in Martin Bashir’s world, he sees nothing but race. This guy is so completely sick with his race obsession, even Adolph Hitler tunes in from hell saying, “Please, enough with the race already!

Hey Bashir, there was another man named Martin, a man much greater and wiser than you, and he once dreamed of an America where people would be judged by the content of their character and not the color of their skin.

Every day that MSNBC gives a loon like Bashir a platform to repeatedly pull the race card like some deranged version of the Boy Who Cried Wolf, they are actively working to pull us farther and farther from the dream of Dr. King.

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Deacon Jones Was One Bad DudeToday the NFL and the sports world as a whole lost one of the all-time greats. Deacon Jones passed away here in Orange County, California at the age of seventy-four.

Deacon Jones was one bade dude, and I say that with all the respect in the world. Deacon may have struck more fear into the hearts of quarterbacks than any other man who ever lined up on defense, and he would make just about anybody’s short list of greatest defensive players in NFL history. He invented the term “sack”, as in sacking the quarterback and while the NFL didn’t officially start counting sacks as a statistic until 1982, it’s said that if the old films were to be gone over, Deacon Jones would hold the record by a large margin as the NFL’s all-time leader in sacks.

(Hey NFL, it would be pocket change for you to hire retired officials to go year by year over all the film from all the games and give credit where credit is due to all the defensive players who played in the years before 1982.)

In honor of the man, today I pulled off the bookshelf The Book of Deacon. It’s a great little gem of a book compiled by John Klawitter that has the wit and wisdom of Deacon Jones. It was too hard to narrow it down to a top ten list, I’m hoping with the plug, this list will still constitute “fair use”. This is just a small sampling and the book is well worth the purchase.

#25 – There are all kinds of smiles. On the football field I mostly used the one where the hawk spots the dove. – Deacon Jones, when kidded about never showing a sunny disposition during the game. (See photo.)

#24 – You hear all this stuff about inner peace. Hey, there’s nothing wrong with it, but I say, hit that line hard. Crack that book . . . Do your very best all the time and inner peace will take care of itself. The Deacon guarantees it. – Deacon Jones on the relative value of hard work versus meditation.

#23 – When it comes to your life’s work, you can’t take yourself too seriously. Even Jesus had an occasional joke with the boys, take walking on water, for instance . . . but there’s a time and place for fun. Jesus never faltered when it came time to tip over the money stalls or to take his hard walk up the mountain. – Deacon Jones on taking yourself seriously.

#22 – If you feel like you want to die, it’s time to sit down and make a list of all the things you haven’t done yet. – Deacon Jones talking about despair.

#21 – I believe that if you die trying to be your best, the world is still a better place.

#20 – I reserve the right to change my mind. But once I decide on something, I’m going to need a good reason to switch. – Deacon Jones on setting a course.

#19 – I did come up with the term “sack” to describe the devastation I was bringing on the poor, cringing quarterbacks in the NFL. “Sack the quarterback.” That was nice. I thought it was lots better than saying, “Jones tackles the QB behind the line for another loss of yardage . . . ” It had a ring to it, and it caught on with the sports writers. But I tell you, doing it was a lot more fun than talking about it.

#18 – When I flew from Orlando to Los Angeles in 1960, I sat next to a guy from Disney who was paying 75¢ an acre for land. I thought he was some special kind of fool . . . and since they built the park, history has proven there was a fool sitting in one of our seats.

#17 – First, you’ve got to get the job. “Yeah, I can do it,” I would say. When I was a kid, I could do anything. Lucky nobody ever asked me if I could fly a jet plane.

#16 – Know the difference between famous and great. – Deacon Jones, chiding a novice sportswriter who called him a famous football player.

#15 – When I was a teenager, I was so dumb my mamma knocked me off the porch with a broom. You wish you had so good a mamma. – Deacon Jones on a parental discipline.

#14 – Somebody told me when Abe Lincoln was a young man, studying by firelight, he said, “I will work hard. I will prepare myself. And my time will come.” And you know, that’s exactly what I said about myself and football . . . What do you think? Were Abe and I both just lucky ducks?

#13 – How can you possibly be sympathetic to every fool on the planet? Just the other day, I heard a man whining about his hopeless love of cross-dressing. Call me unenlightened, but I started to laugh. – Deacon Jones on his own impatience with political correctness.

#12 – I never was very big on praying for victory. For God to give a big win to the Denver Broncos, wouldn’t He have to take it away from somebody else, say, the Green Bay Packers?

#11 – And so now you think society is to blame for the mess you made of yourself? – Deacon Jones on whiners.

#10 – The only thing Native Americans ever did better than the rest of us is spirituality. Of course, that’s everything, isn’t it?

#9 – A nation that spends billions to fix international problems will not have much left over for the victims of tornadoes in Oklahoma.

#8 – You are one of a kind, one in a billion, an incredible unique individual. The problem is, so is everybody else.

#7 – It took me a long time to figure out that real big-time success comes from taking lots of small, ordinary steps in the right direction. And you can’t ever take the next step until you take the first.

#6 – You’ll find your life greatly simplified if you only worry about stuff you can fix.

#5 – Be patient with the negative people of the world. Take a moment to think how they are helping you clarify your own thinking and firming your own resolve. Then headslap them out of your way.

#4 – The problem a guy who lies all the time faces is he never can tell when anybody else is telling the truth.

#3 – The only rules not meant to be broken are those of love and virtue.

#2 – Memory is what you did. Life is what you’re doing.

#1 – All men are created equal. After that, it’s up to you.

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