Letters from the Lunar Outpost

Monthly Archives: September 2017


When you are on the field, you are at your job and you are earning your salary.

While most of us who are fans of the NFL are not as privileged as you are to be making millions of dollars doing what we do, most of us do understand the basic fact that when we arrive at our workplaces, we are there to perform a job. Regardless of race, color or creed, most working Americans understand and abide by the simple rule that when we go to work, we leave our politics at home.

You, Mr. NFL Player, are getting paid millions of dollars to play a game. The people of America pay good money to see you play that game, so when you get to the stadium, act like a professional, play the friggen' game and then just as soon as you leave your workplace, you are as free as anyone else to exercise your First Amendment rights.


The Working Americans Who Make Your Salaries Possible

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This may sound like a paid endorsement, but what this really is, is a love letter to my new car.

10. When I slip out of my parking space, I am as quiet as a ninja! (Don’t worry pedestrians, I’ll be paying extra attention in keeping an eye out for you.)

9. Ford is back, baby! What a beautiful thing to see the styling and the technology on my new Ford standing toe-to-toe with all of the Nissans and Hondas that I test drove. It was not that way for many years.

8. My car is so smart, it adjusts the rate of my windshield wipers to the level of the rain!

7. When I get in the car, it automatically fires up the audiobook player on my phone right to the spot where I left off. Nice!

6. My car is so smart, it sets my high beams when traffic is out of range and turns them back down when cars come into range!

5. My car is so smart, it learns my frequent charging destinations so when I get within an 1/8 of a mile of home or work, if it was running on gas, it switches over to all-battery knowing I’m most likely just about to arrive for a recharge. Don’t underestimate how those eighths of a mile can add up!

4. The green stickers that come with my PHEV give me free reign to drive solo in the car pool lanes! Depending on if you ask me while I’m flying past traffic in the car pool lane, I might often tell you this is my #1 favorite feature.

3. Having the combination of a plugin / hybrid means I can make that trip out to Vegas and back without having to worry about finding charging stations along the way.

2. My car is so smart, if I go six months without having to refuel, it will switch over to the gasoline engine just so the gas in the tank doesn’t get too stale.

1. Getting 1000 miles on my first tank of gas is just freakin’ AWESOME!

My Ford Fusion Energi

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So another terror attack in London and Trump goes to Twitter . . .

Trump Tweet on London Attack

And anyone who’s been paying attention for the first eight months of Trump’s presidency knows exactly where the Trump-hating Media is going to go with this. “Oh my gosh,” the Trump-hating Media will shreik! “There he goes again, he’s insulting our allies!”

As the media launches its next coordinated attack against Trump, let’s make something very clear – Trump is not insulting “our allies”, he’s insulting the politicians who put political correctness above the saftey of their own citizens. Offending the politicians who are derelict in duty is nothing the same as insulting our allies.

If you really want to know what our allies have to say, look no further than the highest-rated comments on that Daily Mail article . . .

If You Really Want to Know What Our Allies Think

The support for Trump’s comments are running 15 to 1 over the people taking offense, so as the media takes Trump’s tweet and works themselves into a full-blown frenzy of outrage telling you that Trump has insulted our allies, just remember this article from the Daily Mail and the British people’s overwhelming response, because *that* is what our allies really think.

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Back at a time when word had gotten out in the neighborhood that my wife and my house was the place to go for kids who needed a place to stay (I guess we had a hard time saying no) there was a slew of kids who came and went, some lived with us for a little while, some for longer, but two kids in particular ended up becoming like sons to us. This post is about the one who betrayed us.

So he moves out, we fall out of contact, then four years later, we reconnect, meet his daughter and by the end of the year, we’re taking him and our other “adopted” son on a ten-day vacation in Cabo San Lucas.

We took this kid on vacation to Chicago, his first ever trip to Vegas, multiple camping trips where we always footed the bill for everything and then maybe a year passes and the next we hear from him, he’s calling us telling us he got in a fistfight, lost his job, lost his apartment and now he and his eight-year-old daughter have nowhere to stay.

For three weeks, our house is completely taken over. His daughter, through no fault of her own I imagine, is maybe the laziest eight-year-old girl we’ve ever encountered. She has only two interests in life, eating and watching Netflix. We’ve got My Little Pony streaming eighteen hours a day and when I ask her to help straighten the place up before my wife gets home, she flops on the floor as if a two-minute chore would absolutely kill her.

In the kitchen, the bigger child is endlessly cooking, eating five, six meals a day and not just snacks, I’m talking five or six full-fledged meals every day. I have never in my life seen a human being consume so much food, he just kept eating and eating like a demon possessed.

At the time, my wife has a new job with a shift that starts at 3am and she’s trying hard to adjust her sleep to the early morning hours, but no amount of pleading with them to let my wife get her sleep keeps these kids from banging around and barging in the bedroom, so after three weeks of having our house turned upside down and urging the kid to find somewhere else to stay, he finally grabs his stuff and leaves our home without even saying a thank you.

Not Even a Thank You

And it’s only moments later that we begin to discover the many ways he chose to thank us, because within fifteen minutes of his leaving, my bank sends me a text message that my account balance is at zero! My ATM card has been stolen. We take inventory of the house and discover that my wife’s laptop is missing, too!

Imagine how heartbroken we were – after taking him in to our home twice when he had nowhere else to go, after all the vacations we took him on, after all the money my wife had given him behind my back, this guy steals my wife’s laptop, steals my ATM card and completely drains my bank account! Never in our lives had we been so completely disappointed in another human being.

At this point, even with all the evidence we have including surveillance video of him using my ATM card at the Arco and an eyewitness who saw the laptop in his car and my ATM card in his wallet, we decide not to report him to the police and just write off our losses as knowledge gained – the kid we once thought of as a son turned out to be nothing but a thieving scumbag and he would forever be dead to us.

But it was only today, a month after he left our home that we found the full extent of his betrayal. Opening my web browser and navigating to view my Google Photos, it turns out that the browser is still logged into his account. Now we’re looking at his collection of photos on Google and we’re laughing at him posing like he’s all gangsta while he’s smoking a blunt and then . . . imagine our shock and horror as we scroll down to see photos he took eight days after he left our home showing off my wife’s Rolex watch!

Now we’re talking grand larceny.

There are photos of a green collapsible camp chair he stole from our outdoor storage, an expensive condenser microphone that I had never taken out of the box and a cheap $20 smart watch he probably thought was expensive as well.

At this point, the policy of never contacting him again goes out the window, my wife texts him, tells him she wants her Rolex back, he admits to his thievery and he begs us not to call the police because he’ll lose his daughter.

What Would You Do?

Betrayed by the Kid You Thought of Like a Son - So What Would You Do?

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