Letters from the Lunar Outpost

Hoards after hoards his rising raptures fill; Yet still he sighs, for hoards are wanting still.
- Goldsmith, English Poet and Prose Writer (1728-1774)

It was now twenty years passed since the Obama Ascendancy had ushered in the beginning of the Reign of Enlightenment. Twenty full years since the ability of the Republicants to challenge our Glorious Democratic Party had begun dwindling with each successive election.

As the power of our Glorious Dems grew, there had been calls from many to have the Republicants outlawed completely, one channel in particular – MSNBC – devoted most hours of the day to pushing for a ban on the Republicants, but as voter ID laws were struck down across the nation and then Affirmative Action was applied to allow the most disenfranchised citizens to vote multiple times according to their ethnic suffrage or their position on the poverty scale, wiser heads prevailed and it was decided there would really be no need to outlaw the Republicants after all. The “t” in Republicant was officially added to the party’s name and the party was allowed to continue it’s existence, if nothing more than to mainly serve as fodder for the punchlines to every political joke on American television.

Could it really have been just twelve years since Hillary Clinton’s historic win, with the Glorious Democratic Party retaining the White House and finally regaining full control of both Houses of Congress? How awesome it had been to witness our GDP united in passing the Fairness Doctrine, the sweeping legislation regulating all aspects of media reporting which ultimately wiped out the scourge of Faux News from the television landscape and silenced all the evils of right-wing hate being spread on talk radio.

Now, all the contentiousness and unpleasantness of the political debate was gone. Instead of having to hear the Republicants with their divisive questions and their complete ingratitude for all the great progress made since the election of Our Dear Leader Obama, how pleasant it was now to tune into political themed programs where the object of the debate was always to see who could speak of our supreme and benevolent leaders in the most devotional and inspiring terms.

Even while all these great changes were happening, however, still there were still some who plotted to return this country to the Dark Days of the Unenlightened, the days where the government wasn’t there to play the central role in all the people’s lives, the days where no one was there to monitor our every phone call and communication to make sure that we did not stray from the Enlightened Path. These were the agitators who ranted about “freedoms” or “the rights of the individual”, cowards hiding behind proxies on the Internet, people who didn’t have the common decency to speak of their anti-societal views out in the open where a coworker, friend or family member could report their verbal treason to the proper agencies and have them assigned to a fine re-education school where they could get the help they need.

These teabagger rabble-rousers and former viewers of Faux News, they had all coalesced into a single group known simply as “Anonymous”, a group sworn to turn back all the progressive accomplishments that had been made during the Reign of Enlightenment. The Mandatory Morning Message delivered to all the workers in America warned daily of these evil insurrectionists, but for the most part they remained shrouded and unknown, militant in their anonymity, to the point where it was said that even many cohabitant couples would hold their secrecy to the point of both being ignorant of the other’s involvement.

So the members of Anonymous plotted together, never knowing the faces of their co-conspirators, split into thousands of small little cells so that should a couple dozen be compromised, there would always be plenty more cells to take their place and contribute their own share to the mayhem. These enemies of the people, these lunatics who would not give up their talk of the founding fathers and that outdated and superseded document they continued to insist upon calling “The Constitution”, these delusional misfits and miscreants were plotting something on a scale that had never been seen and though our own government was well aware that something was planned for that Fourth of July in the year 20 After Obama, they had no idea how great the scope and fury was of what was about to rain down upon them.

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4 Responses to Be Careful What You Wish For

  • You still don’t get it. And that’s sad. The far right is so out of step with America they don’t relate anymore. Romney blames his loss on a hurricane, not on the 55% (interesting number). Conservatives really believe wednesday’s ruling is going to lead to every kind of crazy and perverse possibility becoming reality. No one was hurt. The Republicants are down but not out, like their new spokesperson Paula Deen they just have to learn that the “times are a changing”.

  • Well, Bob is clearly an idiot. Blind as a bat and unlearned besides.

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