Letters from the Lunar Outpost

Some men make fortunes, but not to enjoy them; for, blinded by avarice, they live to make fortunes.
- Juvenal, Roman Satirical Poet (40-125 A.D.)



I swear to God, I thought of this twenty years before it became a reality! What’s funny is that my claim to having the idea reminds me of my mother-in-law who says she had the idea for a remote control back in the days where you had to get your ass up off the couch to change the channels. So yeah, she had the idea, and I had the idea, neither one of us acted on the idea, but this idea is really cool.  I swear I thought of this twenty years ago.

Go girl

Here is a scientific fact I would like to share with you: women are the higher evolved sex of the human species. How can I say that? It’s pure biology. Men have one canal for both sex and urination, they have a second canal for excrement. Women, on the other hand, have one canal for urination, they have a second canal for reproduction, and they have a third alimentary canal. Look at the scoreboard: Women 3, Men 2. That’s reality, any biologist will tell you, women are the higher evolved sex of the human species.

But they can’t write their names in the snow!

Probably a dozen times a day I thank God for making me the penis bearer of the species. I love having a penis, it’s the best feeling in the world to wake up and scratch your balls with not a single thought in your manly brain, but . . . I do love the beauty of women. You can take all those greek homo statues of naked men and I feel nothing. Show me a naked woman and I am ready for worship.

There are two reasons I believe in God, the beauty of a sunset, and the beauty of women.

When I was a teenager, I remember how good it felt to go camping and take a piss and hit the spot you were aiming for and look over your shoulder with no worries about anything only to see the girls squatting, looking embarrassed and looking like they were hoping they could spread their legs wide enough so the piss wouldn’t soak their shoes.

It’s not the women’s fault that their bathroom lines are always three times as long as the men’s lines, but there is hope in this new product. I really hope this go-girl product will catch on, and yes, I will have no problem if you ladies line up right beside me at the urinal at the men’s room.


I am totally down with women having a little prosthetic help to piss like a man.

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Currently Listening To:

Team of Rivals
Doris Kearns Goodwin