Food for Thought
Ha ha! See, it’s funny because they should swap plates so the small-breasted girl could eat more and have bigger breasts . . .
Being a married man, I don’t actually look at other women’s breasts anymore (and that’s the worst lie I’ve ever tried to float at this blog) but were I a single guy, I would honestly have just as much fun with either one of that pair of women, or either one of those pairs.
So a new study tells us men who like big breasts are more sexist. Seriously, how do studies like this even get funded? You needed to do a study to find out there are millions of big breast obsessed and sexist Al Bundys in America? All you have to do is listen to an hour or two of The Howard Stern Show to know guys who are obsessed with big breasts tend to view women as sex objects.
Howard Stern is one of the funniest guys alive, I’ve read both of his books, laughed through the movie Private Parts and listened to his radio show for a couple years back in the day, but the guy is unrepentant in looking at women as sex objects and his fixation on big breasts is just a direct extension of that. The bigger the implants, the better they are in his mind, in fact, you could even say there is no greater advocate for plastic surgery in America than Howard Stern.
I couldn’t be any more different how I view it, although sometimes it’s best to keep it to yourself. I was one of the groomsmen at a friend’s wedding some years back, lovely bride, beautiful ceremony (and God bless them, they’re still married.) After the dinner, with everyone high in the spirits, I’m hanging out with my buddy Ray and his girlfriend at the time, and we’re exchanging pleasantries about how nice everything was and how lovely the bride was and how gorgeous that one bridesmaid looked with a handsome guy like me escorting her down the aisle – alright, she was gorgeous on her own – and I said she was definitely gorgeous, but did you see how fake those boobs of her’s were?
What followed was my worst outbreak of foot-in-mouth disease ever (okay, let’s just say it ranks up there.) I began a bit of a monologue on how I just don’t understand the whole fake breasts thing and that God doesn’t make mistakes and that getting fake breasts is like a slap in the face to God and, and . . . and I might have been going on as long as twenty or thirty seconds before I noticed the two of them just staring at me expressionless before I realized I hadn’t even considered the possibility that Ray’s girl Tracy had fake boobs as well. At that point, what could I do but just apologize, do a facepalm and mutter something about being such a dumbass.
Of course, I’ve always known that what a woman does with her appearance is her own business and that my theory of “just go with what God gave you” is nothing more than personal preference, but that one moment was sufficiently embarrassing that ever since, I’ve managed to keep my opinion to myself in casual conversation.
The truth is, getting a bigger rack may indeed get a woman a few more head turns, so I may be a bit in the minority of men on this, but myself personally, as wonderful as cleavage is, I also think perky is just as nice. A-cups, b-cups, c-cups, and on and on to the truly ginormous, thank goodness I have enough self-control to always look women directly in their eyes because I love breasts of all shapes and sizes.
As a matter of fact, going by the findings of the study, I may be the least sexist of all the men you know.
This is the only way you could get me to watch the four-hour long Hollywood circle jerk otherwise known as the Oscars.
I had the great fortune of not tuning into the Oscars last night, so today, I don’t have to blog about the four hours of my life I’d like to have back if somehow I’d been given the Clockwork Orange treatment and been forced to endure watching that awards show, but in reading through a pretty funny bit of “live snarking” by Nikki Finke I learned from the comments that good old Hanoi Jane was honored by Hollywood with a role as presenter of some award or another.
Does Hollywood really think America has forgotten Jane Fonda, hanging out with the NVA and posing for pictures on an anti-aircraft gun that killed Americans and condemned others to some of the most brutal POW camps in recorded history?
So it got me to thinking about Hollywood and its long and storied love affair with Communism, which got me to wondering what the world would look like if the preponderance of Commies in Hollywood had seen their hearts’ desires come true and it was actually the Communists who won the Cold War.
First off, voting would be a whole lot easier . . .
Voting would be so much easier if there were only one choice on the ballot.
No longer would the masses have to trouble their heads with the issues, the choice would be as easy as showing up to the voting booth and marking the one box available. Just as surely as Hollywood respects a guy like Woody Allen, who has the courage to say what most of the rest of them are thinking in saying that Obama should be granted dictatorial powers, having one man on the ballot and one man in control of everything would make life in America so much more efficient and simple, and what could possibly say “national unity” so loud and clear as a nation where our Dear Leader gets 100% of the vote each and every election until his death?
Speaking of unity, if the Commies had won the Cold War, imagine the joys of those Soviet-era bread lines for all the citizens of the world to take part in. Nothing says getting to know your fellow comrade like standing in line for hours to receive your fair share of the delicious loaves churned out by our state-run bakeries.
If the Commies had won the Cold War, there’d no longer be any desire to “keep up with your neighbors” when it comes to the kind of car you drive because there’d only be two types of cars, cars with the kind of quality and craftsmanship we saw in the Yugo for the proles, and of course, a luxury vehicle for every member of the Politburo, who should never have to suffer the indignity of driving the same types of vehicles as the working class.
Best thing is, it would only take about a dozen years of diligent savings for every prole to have their very own death bucket – er, I mean, fine automobile.
Of course, there would also be Obama phones! Obama phones – free to each and every member of our great society! Just imagine the glorious type of technology that would be free to all comrades, as shown in this depiction of what this year’s latest Obama phone would look like had the Commies won the Cold War.
Communist Cell Phone, circa 2013
Finally, we could ban Fox News and all the other news channels would no longer have to waste any effort in trying to have some superficial semblance of objectivity to their reporting. It would be all good news, all the time, a non-stop celebration of our socialist utopia, in this, the best of all possible worlds.
If the Commies had won the Cold War, we could ban Fox News and the rest of the news channels would no longer have to waste any effort trying to appear impartial.
Ahhh yes, it brings back fond nostalgia of the New York Times celebrating the great progress and prosperity of the Soviets under Joseph Stalin while tens of millions were purposefully allowed to starve during his great reign.
The end of the world came, and then it went, and yet the world still exists! The exact moment of the winter solstice occurred at 6:12 a.m. EST (1112 GMT) this morning, the “end” of the Mayan calendar. Of course, once a year we pass into the winter solstice, but what was special about this solstice was the fact that it marked the point where the Sun is aligned with the center of the Milky Way for the first time in about 26,000 years.
What an incredibly advanced society of astronomers the Mayans were to forcast this alignment of the Sun and the center of the galaxy in a calendar which stretched back thousands of years before their time, beginning their “Long Count” on August 12, 3114 B.C. and looking forward to the end of the calendar 5,126 years later on this date, December 21, 2012.
What it really amounted to however, was not the end of the calendar but the end of the thirteenth baktun and the start of the fourteenth, as the “odometer” of 12.19.19.17.19 yesterday rolled over to 13.0.0.0.0 today. The world is still here and tomorrow will be 13.0.0.0.1 on the Long Count.
The reason I became somewhat transfixed with today’s date was that I began my own countdown to today’s date in 2008 as I added a new feature to my date reminder software program that had always worked as a handy reminder for yearly occurrences such as birthdays and anniversaries and created a new event type which allowed people to track a specific date years ahead or years in the past. To test the new feature, I added an event marking The End of the Mayan Calendar on December 21, 2012. I’ve been watching the approach of today’s date for over 1,700 days.
One of the benefits in watching the end of the world approach for years in advance is that you get a real sense of how the time we have on this Earth is a finite thing and you develop a sense of urgency in realizing that we cannot count on an endless expanse of days to accomplish the goals we were born to achieve.
Of course, there can be unintended consequences of half-heartedly convincing yourself the end of the world is just around the corner, you might find yourself maxing out the credit cards or convincing yourself with a wink and a nudge that there’s really no need to quit smoking today because the world’s going to end in a few months or years anyways, but if and when December 22nd rolls around and you and I are still here to enjoy it, we can tell ourselves hey, the world was supposed to end yesterday, all our remaining days are just gravy – an unexpected bonus.
My wife worries about my obsession with the apocalypse and the end of the world. When I told her the solstice came and went and the world’s still here, she replied simply, “Life is beautiful if you make it beautiful.”
Enjoy the overtime period, my friends.
Bottled water? Check. Iodine tablets? Check. Magnesium fire starter? Check. Hand-crank solar flashlight and radio? Check. Multi-function knife tool? Check. Zombie skull thumper? Check.
The ancient prophecies have foretold that the final day would arrive on December 21, 2012. We are now one week away from the end of the Mayan calendar.
Even if you don’t believe in the supreme visionary powers of the Mayans, it still makes for a great question to ask yourself – you have one week left on Earth, how are you going to live it? What are you going to do in these last seven days?
Once you’re done with the hypothetical and live these final seven days to the fullest, on the eighth day . . . we’ll wake to the news that, of course, the old date for the end of the world was wrong (are you with me on this, Jehovah’s Witnesses and Seventh Day Adventists?) and the new date is Wednesday, May 31, 2051.
So you’ll then have to ask yourself, what are you going to do with the extra 14,040 days?
Back in 2008, there was a candidate who famously said, “If you don’t have a record to run on, then you paint your opponent as someone people should run from. You make a big election about small things.” His name was Barack Obama and it boggles the mind to imagine that just four years later, in an election of monumental proportions, he is running the most frivolous and trivial campaign we’ve ever witnessed.
I want to compare and contrast two videos, one by a college-aged Obama supporter and one by a thirteen-year-old Romney supporter. First let’s start with an ad from the Obama camp featuring a woman who uses an unhealthy dose of lame double entendre, likening her first time voting (for Obama) to losing her virginity and then proceeds to tackle such weighty issues as to whether taxpayers should be responsible for paying for her birth control:
Remember, this was an ad that was officially released by Obama’s reelection campaign, meaning that while the rest of America is looking for serious answers to the serious issues facing our nation, the Obama team is delighting itself in an ad they must think is oh-so-clever in its sexual innuendo.
Now compare that bit of tripe from the college-aged Obama lover to this brilliant and insightful analysis of the two candidates by a thirteen-year-old girl named Jenny:
There you have it in a nutshell. From the same Obama who lamented over the politics of making big elections about small things in 2008 and promised us CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN, we’re now given a presidential ad as frivolous as anything we’ve ever seen. It’s completely beyond me to imagine how the so-called brain trust in Chicago could be so clueless as to run an ad like “My First Time” during times such as these.
Now compare the snarky college-aged woman Obama picked to speak on his campaign’s behalf with the heartfelt convictions of a regular, yet incredibly exceptional thirteen-year-old Jenny and there should be no question as to which candidate we should take seriously. Jenny makes an eloquent and airtight argument – do we really want to go FORWARD with four more years of fail, or should we place our faith in the professional who has been so incredibly successful throughout his career as both an executive and a businessman?