Envy always implies conscious inferiority wherever it resides.
- Pliny the Elder, Roman Naturalist (23-79 A.D.)
I had the great fortune of not tuning into the Oscars last night, so today, I don’t have to blog about the four hours of my life I’d like to have back if somehow I’d been given the Clockwork Orange treatment and been forced to endure watching that awards show, but in reading through a pretty funny bit of “live snarking” by Nikki Finke I learned from the comments that good old Hanoi Jane was honored by Hollywood with a role as presenter of some award or another.
So it got me to thinking about Hollywood and its long and storied love affair with Communism, which got me to wondering what the world would look like if the preponderance of Commies in Hollywood had seen their hearts’ desires come true and it was actually the Communists who won the Cold War.
First off, voting would be a whole lot easier . . .
No longer would the masses have to trouble their heads with the issues, the choice would be as easy as showing up to the voting booth and marking the one box available. Just as surely as Hollywood respects a guy like Woody Allen, who has the courage to say what most of the rest of them are thinking in saying that Obama should be granted dictatorial powers, having one man on the ballot and one man in control of everything would make life in America so much more efficient and simple, and what could possibly say “national unity” so loud and clear as a nation where our Dear Leader gets 100% of the vote each and every election until his death?
Speaking of unity, if the Commies had won the Cold War, imagine the joys of those Soviet-era bread lines for all the citizens of the world to take part in. Nothing says getting to know your fellow comrade like standing in line for hours to receive your fair share of the delicious loaves churned out by our state-run bakeries.
If the Commies had won the Cold War, there’d no longer be any desire to “keep up with your neighbors” when it comes to the kind of car you drive because there’d only be two types of cars, cars with the kind of quality and craftsmanship we saw in the Yugo for the proles, and of course, a luxury vehicle for every member of the Politburo, who should never have to suffer the indignity of driving the same types of vehicles as the working class.
Best thing is, it would only take about a dozen years of diligent savings for every prole to have their very own death bucket – er, I mean, fine automobile.
Of course, there would also be Obama phones! Obama phones – free to each and every member of our great society! Just imagine the glorious type of technology that would be free to all comrades, as shown in this depiction of what this year’s latest Obama phone would look like had the Commies won the Cold War.
Finally, we could ban Fox News and all the other news channels would no longer have to waste any effort in trying to have some superficial semblance of objectivity to their reporting. It would be all good news, all the time, a non-stop celebration of our socialist utopia, in this, the best of all possible worlds.
Ahhh yes, it brings back fond nostalgia of the New York Times celebrating the great progress and prosperity of the Soviets under Joseph Stalin while tens of millions were purposefully allowed to starve during his great reign.