Letters from the Lunar Outpost

No man is a hero to his valet.
- Cornuel, French Writer (1614-1694)

The Patriots are cheaters.If you’re still in denial about whether the Patriots got caught cheating again with DeflateGate, don’t get distracted by all the heat Tom Brady’s been taking, the real reason the Patriots have been using deflated balls is the ground game.

There’s nothing more random in the game of football than fumbles. A team can lead the league in fumbles one year and then have the fewest fumbles the next. It is the most random element in football, and even more so when you consider the fact that guys who are prone to fumbling don’t last too long in the league. So considering that, consider the impossible coincidence of this statistic:

The Patriots ratio of 187 plays to 1 fumble is the BEST of ANY team in the NFL for ANY 5 year span of time over the last 25 years. Not was it just the best, it isn’t close:

2010-2014 Patriots: 187 plays/fumble
2009-2013 Patriots: 156 plays/fumble
2006-2010 Colts: 156 plays/fumble
2005-2009 Colts: 153 plays/fumble
2007-2011 Patriots: 149 plays/fumble
2008-2012 Patriots: 148 plays/fumble
2010-2014 Texans: 140 plays/fumble
2004-2008 Colts: 139 plays/fumble
2006-2010 Jets: 135 plays/fumble
1999-2003 Chiefs: 134 plays/fumble

Source: Sharp Football Analysis

You would have thought that after having been handed a game they’d lost with that ridiculous call in the Tuck Game, getting gifted a path to their first Super Bowl would have been fortune enough for the Patriots to decide to really focus on winning fair and square, but they never thanked their lucky stars long enough to focus on playing inside the rules.

I have a real hard time rooting for any team in neon green, there really should be a rule in the NFL against teams wearing dayglo colors anywhere on their uniforms, but I’m going to have to look past those godawful team colors and root for Seattle this Sunday. Eff those cheating Patriots, go Seahawks!

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