Letters from the Lunar Outpost

In the annals of American crime, few have ever embarked on a rampage quite like this one . , .

Laurie Ruth Chester's Epic Crime Spree


Laurie Ruth Chester began her crime spree in Warrenton, Oregon just after 2:30 p.m. when she ordered $12.75 worth of food at a Subway restaurant and then proceeded to dig $13 out of the employee tip jar in an attempt to pay for her meal.

Startled employees called the police, but by the time police arrived, Ms. Chester had already made her escape.

Next came reports of a theft at a Fred Meyer store and then a disturbance at a Rite Aid, but each time, authorities found their suspect had managed to stay one step ahead of them in slipping away.

The next stop in Ms. Chester’s citywide crime spree was at a Home Depot where she commandeered a motorized shopping cart and then began filling the cart with merchandise. She brazenly escaped from the store and then took her motorized cart out onto Highway 101, where police pursuit began. During the chase, speeds reportedly reached as high as 4 miles per hour.

Once they finally caught her, police found Ms. Chester was in possession of stolen items from a nearby PetCo as well.

Warrenton Police Chief Matthew Workman had this to say:

She has numerous [police] contacts in Seaside, and quite a few in Astoria, mostly for menacing and disturbances. Looking at this pattern of behavior, there might be some mental illness or substance abuse going on. It seems to fit the profile.

source: Daily Astorian

I would say Chief Workman is dead on with his assessment.

Laurie Ruth Chester, if you are a troubled soul, I do hope you can get the help you need, but something about the smile on your face in that mug shot tells me you just might have been out on a wild lark. Either way, I cannot help but salute you for engaging in a rampage so epic in its unseriousness.

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