Mike Cornelison

So I’m catching up on the latest three opinion pieces from Paul Krugman, more variations on how the $787 billion stimulus only failed because it just wasn’t enough spending and as I reach the end of the piece with Krugman imploring Obama to grow a pair and stand up to those evil, debt-slashing Republicans, I see the following ad served up by Google:

Are they mind readers? How did Google know I've got a thing for Middle Eastern women?

Considering how Google has made a fine science out of serving up relevant ads based either on your previous searches or the content on the page you’ve landed on, I find it almost bewildering that Google would chose this ad to serve up, because I’m vacationing and on a friend’s computer, I certainly haven’t done any searches for Arabic porn (or any other kind) since I arrived here and the only thing some might consider Muslim-related content on the page is the mention of Barack Hussein Obama. Personally, I’m not sold on the “Obama’s a Muslim” theory, but for whatever reason, Google served the ad up and was right in guessing it – I’m the guy who couldn’t help but click on an ad for “Women’s Muslim Swimsuits.”

The ad takes me to another page of links, the topmost of which is called “Muslim Swimwear for Women” and I eagerly click on that and land at a site called swimoutlet.com at a page with the more generic title of “Modest Swimwear” but they still all look like Muslims to me, and what a collection of virgin beauties to behold.

This is what paradise looks like, my friends.

It leaves so much more to the imagination, doesn’t it? Way sexier than any bikini I’ve ever seen!

Now there are as many as 1.5 billion Muslims in this world, and as part of the core beliefs, most of those Muslims believe that there will be a day when Allah sees to it that the world will be completely destroyed and up from the ashes, a Muslim Caliphate will come to power and rule the entire Earth. Making allowance for some portion of those Muslims that are less than militant in their beliefs, you could imagine then that there are at least as many as one-billion people in this world who believe that this this is the dress code the Muslim Caliphate should dictate for all women when they venture out of their homes to the beach and the poolside – this is the dress code that should be imposed over the entire world.

That might sound frightening to some, but I also have to admit, there’s something highly alluring about the style. It makes me think of Forrest Gump’s quote about a box of chocolates, or how wonderful it is to be a child unwrapping a Christmas present and all the excitement that goes with having no idea what’s inside that box! (I doubt that very many Muslims will appreciate the analogy, however.)

I’m so tired of seeing all the scantily clad women at the beach leaving almost nothing to the imagination. You know what? I’m going to say it right now – I’m ready. Bring on the Global Caliphate. There’s nothing hotter than covered women at the poolside.