Mike Cornelison

Letters from the Lunar Outpost

There is such malice in men as to rejoice in misfortunes and from another's woes to draw delight.
- Terence, Roman Writer of Comedies (B.C. 185-159)

I don’t want to see a President Trump almost as much as I don’t want to see a return to the White House of the Clinton kleptocracy, but every time we see more reports of anti-Trump rioters assaulting women, waving Mexican flags and burning the American flag, we also see Trump’s poll numbers going up as well.

trump-protesters

Beyond the irony that these protesters seem intent on proving there’s some truth in Trump’s statements about illegal immigrants, it makes me wonder . . .

Why Are the Anti-Trump Protesters Out There Helping Donald Trump's Cause?

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chocolate

Mi Chocolate

O choco choco chocolate
I want to feel you melt inside my mouth
I want to taste that deep dark brown delight
and then I’ll have myself another bite
Of chocolate
Mi chocolate

Take me down, down to the Mayan lands,
Take me down to Guatemala

Take me up to climb the pyramid
Let my heart bleed out in your hands

O choco choco chocolate
Mi choco choco chocolate
I want to feel you melt inside my mouth
I want to taste that deep dark brown delight
and then I’ll have myself another bite
Of chocolate
Mi chocolate

Sangre tan pura y limpia
Nativa americana

Soy aquí, soy tu conquistador
Sembrando en suelo fértil

O choco choco chocolate
Mi choco choco chocolate
I want to feel you melt inside my mouth
I want to taste that deep dark brown delight
and then I’ll have myself another bite
Of chocolate
Mi chocolate

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First-generation immigrants are some of the most patriotic Americans you’ll ever have the pleasure of meeting. For most, they dreamed of America long before they came here, many of them spending years pooling all their resources together and even risking their own lives just to get here. And I don’t hold anything against the people who came here illegally, they did it to make for a better life for themselves and their families. How can anyone fault illegal immigrants for not taking seriously the immigration laws that our own government abjectly fails to enforce?

The immigrants who came here because they believed in the American dream have always been this country’s greatest natural resource, and while they often continue to take pride in the cultures and traditions of the countries they left, most of these immigrants also embrace wholeheartedly the American culture which afforded them so much opportunity.

Then there are the kinds of pendejos like the immigrants who gave their child this sign to hold:
Make America Mexico Again
For those ignorant kooks who come here with no desire to call themselves Americans and assimilate into American culture, I have just a couple questions:

Do you not realize that if Mexico had never given up the lands of the Southwestern U.S., the end result would be that the people of Mexico would have to immigrate farther north to escape their country’s third-world poverty?

Why on Earth would we want to “Make America Mexico Again” and turn this great nation back into a country that people risk death crossing deserts to trying to escape?

Oh what’s that you say? You say that now that these lands have become rich and prosperous in American hands, now you want to take it back for Mexico? Sorry, but you’re delusional.

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When it comes to making your New Year’s resolutions, why set yourself up to fail with unrealistic epectations and unobtainable goals?

Far better to aim for success with these Can’t Fail New Year’s Resolutions:

10. I will eat what tastes good and not trouble myself with worries over whether it’s good for me.

9. I promise also to eat more pork and eat more meat in general as a way of saying thank you to God for not making me a Muslim or a vegetarian.

8. In the coming year, I will be more honest with people, no matter how much it might hurt their feelings. After all, honesty is the best policy. Always remember that people need to hear the truth because the truth shall set them free.

7. Should I decide to take up smoking again, I will abandon selfish thoughts about my own health and instead think about the well-being of the nearly 1/4 million Americans directly employed by the tobacco industry.

6. All year long, I will do my best to encourage Democrats to vote for Hillary Clinton on November 9th and I will make sure to cast my vote when Election Day arrives on November 8th.

5. I’m going to stop concerning myself about the plight of the poor people around the world. There are plenty of people struggling right here at home, and when I say home, I mean right here at my house.

4. If I spend a little time watching Internet porn in the coming year, I will not burden myself with feelings of guilt. I will also do my share to help support single mothers by making more trips to the local strip club.

3. I will devote even more time in the coming year to listening to audiobooks, because the more well-read I am, the more interesting and intelligent your friends and acquaintances are.

Someone Is Wrong on the Internet

2. This year, I will take all the time necessary to help people understand why they’re wrong when they post their muddle-headed opinions on the Internet.

1. Last but not least, I promise not to gloat when February rolls around and I’m the only one whose New Year’s resolutions are still intact.

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Here’s a little hack for those addicted to the Candy Crack.

You know the little side games that pop up, those little side tracks off the main map that give you an opportunity to win some extra prizes?

Candy Crush Hack

As shown in the example above, often times on these side tracks, you’re expected to get through all three levels with a single life. Thankfully, there’s a way around that!

Let’s say you just lost on level two or three, want to keep your place? Easy peasy – just pretend like you want to extend the game with a purchase by clicking “Play On” and then when it comes to the Candy Bank screen with the different purchase prices, close out of both the purchase window and the game window.

Candy Crush Hack

Open up Candy Crush again and you’ll still be at that same level you were at with another chance to take it down!

Works on both my Windows Phone (hold down the back button to close out both windows) and the Windows App on my Windows 10 laptop.

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Currently Listening To:

Team of Rivals
by
Doris Kearns Goodwin