Poverty wants some, luxury many, and avarice all things.
- Abraham Cowley, English Metaphysical Poet (1618-1667)
Before we get to the 2014 predictions, let’s do a quick recap of the . . .
2013 Prediction Results
Prediction: Despite blatantly breaking D.C. gun law by waving around a high-capacity magazine in front of live cameras, anti-gun nut David Gregory will face no charges in doing something that would land any other American in jail.
Result: Nailed it, D.C.’s attorney general refused to file charges against Gregory, yet another example of how it’s one set of rules for the media elite, another for the rest of us.
Prediction: On February 3, 2013, Peyton Manning leads the Broncos to victory in Super Bowl XLVII.
Result: Missed it, but I think only by a year.
Prediction: Slight decline in global temperatures in 2013.
Result: Nailed it.
Prediction: Windows 8 makes modest but steady inroads on phones, tablets and hybrids.
Result: Missed it.
Prediction: Apple will release an iPad / laptop hybrid with slide-out keyboard.
Result: Nope. Still a great idea, though.
Prediction: Mama June of Honey Boo Boo will get lap band surgery and lose 100 by season’s end.
Result: Missed it, but the prediction still made for one of the better gifs of the year.
Okay, nailed a few, missed a few, but I am feeling especially clairvoyant this year, so without further ado, let’s dust off that crystal ball and get to it!
- Jodi Arias releases a sex tape from prison. It will be some pretty hot stuff (at least, that’s what my friends will tell me.)
- In February, Peyton Manning makes good on my 2013 pridiction and brings home the Lombardi trophy to the fans in Denver.
- Manti Te’o gets a girlfriend – a real, live girlfriend! They even meet face to face and go out on a date!
- The economy will continue to improve despite Obamacare, but Obamacare will continue to disintegrate before our eyes with public approval even lower than it was at the beginning of the year.
- A Chinese investor buys the New York Times. Irony reigns supreme as it takes a new owner from Communist China to help pull the Times from the far-left fringes of American politics.
- Having tapped the well dry with the twerking and the skimpy outfits, Miley Cyrus finds a new way to grab headlines by checking into a rehab.
- Republicans not only gain seats in the November election, they gain even more seats than they did in the 2010 landslide. Obama struggles to find a word even more emphatic than “shellacking” to describe it.
- From taking office with a sky-high approval rating of 76%, Obama ends the year in the 30s. Still holding fast to their belief that all who disagree with the president do so because of race, Obama lovers struggle to explain how the same country that elected Obama has miraculously transformed from 20% racist to 60% racist.
- Less than 10% of Americans will make good on their new year’s resolutions.
and while I pray that I’m wrong on this, here’s my final prediction for 2014:
- Iran tests its first nuclear bomb. Obama blames it on Republicans.