Letters from the Lunar Outpost

The secret of the magic of life consists in using action in order to attain non-action. One must not wish to leap over everything and penetrate directly.
- Lu Yen, Chinese Meditation Adept (fl. 800 A.D.)

We’re three days in on the new year, but nothing much of note has really happened so far, so still not too late to unload my psychic powers on the world . . .

Spun Honey’s Predictions for 2012

2012 Football Predictions1. Coming off the 9-6 LSU victory in the regular season, in the LSU – Alabama rematch for the BCS Championship, someone finally manages to score a touchdown. The way those defenses are playing, forget picking a winner, that’s a bold enough prediction right there.

2. Drew Brees manages to outgun Aaron Rodgers at Lambeau Field in the NFC Championship, taking his Saints to the Super Bowl. The Ravens, who had a regular season record of 6-0 against playoff teams, beat both the Bengals and Patriots, but end up losing in the big one. They never need an excuse to party down on Bourbon Street, but it’s Super Bowl number two for the Saints and the people of New Orleans.

3. The day before the vote on the Stop Online Piracy Act, Google, Wikipedia, Twitter and Facebook launch a black page protest, shutting down service and asking their loyal users to tell Congress to get their cotton-pickin’ hands off the Internet. Congressional phone lines are flooded beyond anything the Capitol has ever seen, and in a stunning reversal, SOPA bites the dust.

2012 Video Game Sales4. Hollywood will earn $500 billion less in domestic box-office sales from the previous year, just as they did in 2011, and the movie studios still remain completely in denial, crying about piracy when the real problems Hollywood faces are a dearth of new ideas (nothing but remakes, sequels and comic book adaptations) a public that prefers their own home theater experience to over-priced movie tickets and the fact that video games are drawing more and more people’s disposable income.

5. Video game sales will break records again, hitting $20 billion and doubling Hollywood’s take for the first time ever. While video games are just as easy to pirate as movies, you hear very few calls from the video game industry for the government to have an Internet kill switch.

6. London Olympics are smashing, baby! Security is tight, no terrorist attacks, and the only incident is when a bunch of hooligans get out of hand with the celebrations as Great Britain pulls off the upset Gold Medal in football.

7. The Israelis will not and cannot allow the Mullah Hitlers to have nukes in Iran and the much anticipated airstrike is launched. Thankfully, predictions of oil at $250 a barrel are exaggerated, with oil maxing out at $198 a barrel. Gasoline rises to an earth-loving $8 a gallon, and the Obama administration couldn’t be happier.

 Punxsutawney Phil8. Documents come to light proving what everyone already knew, that Attorney General Eric Holder was guilty of perjury when he denied having knowledge of Operation Fast and Furious. Fortunately for the Obama administration, all the news channels outside of FNC decide the story is not as newsworthy as the reports on Katy Perry’s second divorce and whether Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, so the story is never even mentioned.

9. On a personal note, I’m able to stay on the straight and narrow with no cigarettes and I get back down to my target weight of 200 pounds this year, but it doesn’t matter because . . .

10. December 21, 2012 lands most conveniently on a Friday, and Mayan apocalypse parties are going off all across America. When everyone else wakes up hungover on December 22, they realize there is no Mayan apocalypse, we survived to suffer a fate far worse, because just a month previous, Barack Obama was given another four years.

December 21, 2012

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11 Responses to Ten Predictions for 2012

  • I LOVE prediction #2!

  • I love #1, n0w let’s hope that Alabama’s Crimson Tide wins and is #1! Very attractive Mayan calendar.

  • I like #6-8. Security is tight in Britain because they have cameras everywhere now. That will increase significantly for the games. I’m praying Israel goes ahead and nukes Iran and be done with it. And Holder, as Hamlet said “Foul deeds shall rise”.

  • OMG to Obama getting in for another four years! What will that do to the States? This also affects Canada as you are our largest trading partner.

    8 years of National Democratic Party (Socialist Liberals) rule in British Columbia, Canada, ruined the Province. All large business left for business-friendly Alberta. BC now has an economy based on rich retirees from Canada and Hong Kong, and the service industries to go with that.

  • #1 correct with LSU win; #2 is absolutely right but the Patriots will be playing the Saints, but the Saints still win; #10 is right up to the point about Obama winning. Not gonna happen. Pretty good predictions!

  • On the final prediction, just have to give you the best prediction I can make as things stand now. Doesn’t mean things are set in stone, but if Republicans want to prevent four more years, they have to be smarter and work harder.

  • I’d prefer the Mayan apocalypse to 4 more years of hearing the borderline remedial griping from Obama detractors. Most of them could be doing something constructive with their time!!! 😉

    The predictions were fun! Seeing them after the fact, good guess on #1…

    • LOL at the Mayan apocalypse being preferable to 4 more years of Barackalypse.

      I was very nervous on #1, I mean come on, someone’s gotta be able to score a touchdown right? Took all the way until 4 minutes to go in the game, but Alabama finally came through. So far, one for one.

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