Letters from the Lunar Outpost

The selfish man suffers more from his selfishness than he from whom that selfishness withholds some important benefit.
- Emerson, American Poet and Essayist (1803-1882)

[mp3j track=”www.mikecornelison.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/Spun-Honey-09-Monkey.mp3″ flip=”y” autoplay=”y”]

My, my . . . oh, my my
My mama caught me with a magazine, yeah
Sweet dreams, my Brazilian queens
Cutest trio that you’ve ever seen, now

Prescription pills, psychiatrist bills
I know where my head is at
Won’t you please just give me a hand?

You say you know my soul
But do you know me in a way that’s real?
You say paradise awaits
And all I want is just to cop a feel

Prescription pills, psychiatrist bills
I know where my head is at
Won’t you please just give me a hand?

I got my monkey spanked
I got no guilt at all
You got a dirty mind
Obscene is what you call a pretty girl undressed while you try
to keep those thoughts repressed

Confession booths, unknowable truths
I know where my head is at
Won’t you please just give me a hand?

(Give me a hand . . . )

I got my monkey spanked
I got no guilt at all
You got a dirty mind
Obscene is what you call a pretty girl undressed while you try
to keep those thoughts repressed

I know where my head is at
Won’t you please just give me a hand? (x 4)

So I got a little emotional with my last post, thinking of that cute kid from Home Alone all grown up now and (allegedly) strung out on heroin, but it made me think of the young Macaulay Culkin and one of the funnier photos I’ve found in my travels around the internet . . .

Macaulay Culkin Reading Playboy

Funny thing is, I remember that issue, I had that exact same issue in my collection. I didn’t actually buy that issue from the newsstand or the liquor store, in fact, I’ve never bought an issue of Playboy in my life, but through chance and circumstance, it just so happened that I went through a string of consecutive friends for whom I was the last roommate of their bachelor lives before they got married and saw fit (or were encouraged) to leave the Playboys behind to me.

It really was a crazy streak of three different guys leaving me their Playboy collections, a collection that grew to a size that filled the cardboard boxes of three cases of beer. (I cut the top and the one front-facing side from the boxes and those empty beer case boxes made for a very nice display, actually.)

My collection is long gone, although when Playboy went online with the Playboy Archive, it was kind of fun reacquainting myself with May 1982, August 1985 and October 1987. Very nice of Playboy to offer up fifty-three of their issues for free like that, although I do wish they had included the issue with the Brazilian triplets that helped inspire me to write my song Monkey which you should be hearing now.

But seeing Macaulay with that Playboy issue I had once owned, it got me to to thinking about the evolution of porn.

First, what is with modern day porn and all the completely shaved women? I guess I’m just a child of the 80s, but to me, there is nothing more beautiful and sexy than the natural hair of a woman’s bush. All these modern day porn stars completely shaved or almost completely shaved – it’s just kind of gross to me, almost pedophiliac in a way. I like women. When I think of women, I think of hair down there.

The other thing I wonder about is what does the easy access to online porn do to the young minds of the kids of today? Kids of today are no more curious than we were when I was a kid, but my first experience with porn was when I was in the sixth grade and an older friend of mine did what was a totally heroic thing in my book by tearing out a page from his Penthouse magazine for me to take home and keep. Holy crap, I had a full page with photos of a beautiful naked woman on both sides of it and I kept that page folded up and stashed under my bed like a hidden treasure!

That’s right, when I was a kid – a single page from a Penthouse magazine – that’s what I had access to when I was twelve years old.

Now what do kids hitting puberty and kids even younger have easy access to in the Internet age? Pure, unadulterated, hardcore pounding in every orifice, in every position imaginable and every combination imaginable with nothing left to the imagination, as a matter of fact. What does that do to the young kids of today? I imagine the boys have a better idea of how to look like a porn star rocking a girl’s world than I did when I was first fumbling around with girls, and I guess the girls have a better idea of how to act like they’re hot for it and sound like a porn star getting nailed, but geez, that’s kind of a depressing thought, really.

And what’s a parent to do? Even if you set your kids’ computers up with the site-blocking software, many kids today are savvy enough to get around it and if they aren’t, sooner or later they’ll end up at a friend’s house who says, “Dude, check this out . . . “

I have no idea how the easy access to hardcore Internet porn is going change the up and coming generations, but what I do know is I’m glad I came of age in the time when bushes were natural and my lovers and I had to fumble around to figure out what that whole sex thing was all about.

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ewok-walk
               

2 Responses to The Evolution of Porn

  • An amusing read. Just one question though, what would Sarah think of it?

    • Sarah just might approve . . .

      Sarah Palin Bikini

      (Note: this pic was proven a fake, but it’s pretty easy to imagine Sarah posing for a pic like that, after all, we all know Miss Alaska can rock a bikini.)

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