Letters from the Lunar Outpost

Be great in act, as you have been in thought.
- Shakespeare, English Dramatist and Poet (1564-1616)

You see a pretty girl, you really want to strike up a conversation, but you’re paralyzed wondering how to break the ice . . .

Every guy who’s ever spent any time on the dating scene has been there, so I’m going to share with you the two most effective lines out of all the lines I tried from my days as a single guy, but before I do that, let me first tell you the pickup lines that rarely worked (at least for me).

Avoid the clever lines, lines like “I seem to have lost my phone number. Can I have yours?” or “Hey, did it hurt?” Did what hurt? “When you fell from heaven, because you must be an angel.”

Of course, it’s all in the delivery and even the most cliche line ever can work in the hands of a master, but for the most part, the clever lines tend to fail because if she’s even halfway decent looking, she’s probably already heard it before and even if she hasn’t heard it before, she knows you had that line ready to go before you even went out the door and not only that, but you could’ve just as easily used that exact same line on any woman in the place. You have to make her feel like she’s unique among all the women around her.

So as a public service to all the single guys out there who may need some new material, I share with you now . . . the two best pickup lines of my career.

“I like your shoes.”

Much better than complimenting her on her eyes, because if she does have pretty eyes, she’s heard it before, heck, if she’s got big breasts she’s probably heard men complimenting her on her “pretty eyes” just as much as the girl with the pretty eyes, but complimenting her on her shoes, now this says something different. It says, “I’m observant, I’m into style and I’m into your style.”

Most women cherish their shoe collection and put a lot of thought into which pair they’re going to wear when they’re going out. Complimenting her on her choice of shoes is great way to warm her up to you because you’re telling her she chose right. Unlike those cheesy prepared lines, if you can say it in a way that’s believable, it doesn’t come off like a line you might have said to any woman in the general vicinity, even though it is.

I was amazed when I first tried that line and saw the way something so simple could be such a great way to start a conversation. Wherever the conversation goes from there is up to you, but at least you’ve got the ball rolling. It’s also important to remember that if you rely on flattery too much, she’s going to end up thinking you’d be lucky to end up with her, which is the exact opposite of what you want her to think.

A pickup line is all about how you deliver it, but sometimes it’s also about where you use it, like with the oldest one in the book, “Do you come here often?” Try it on the girl working the checkout line at the grocery store. “Do you come here often?” See, it’s funny because of course she does! You can tell by her little grocery clerk uniform and the fact that she’s the one behind the counter. “Do you come here often?” Get it?

It’s lame, but I’ve seen it work because it sounds spontaneous, you see a pretty girl working at the store and you just blurt it out like it was the first thing that came to mind. There’s some heavy irony here because you’re making a play on the oldest line in the book. This one can work especially well with hipster girls, because hipsters love irony, in fact, everything about being a hipster is based on irony, but no matter who you use it on, again, it’s all in the delivery. If you got a laugh from it, then you know you just got the ball rolling.

Man, I should be charging for this stuff, but for you, faithful reader of this blog, I offer these two lines up for free. Give ’em a try. If you have any personality whatsoever, I can almost guarantee you that you’ll get some phone numbers. Just remember, even the greatest baseball players in the hall of fame failed to make it to first base seven times out of ten.

Final bit of advice? Here’s a little lesson from a guy known all over the Internet as Scumbag Steve – don’t be Steve.

Dating Advice from Scumbag Steve

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