Envy always implies conscious inferiority wherever it resides.
- Pliny the Elder, Roman Naturalist (23-79 A.D.)
When you see your seventy-year-old grandma getting an Obama tattoo, trippin’ on “MDNA” and dancing around the room in a cheerleader outfit, you know grandma is one person you definitely should not be taking voting advice from.
Wait . . . Madonna? Is that you?
When some stoned-out rapper named Snoop Dogg shares this fine example of an inner-city education on Instagram:
and then informs the world he’s going to change his name from Snoop Dogg to Snoop Lion, tell him thanks for the voting advice and that you’re sure your name change and four more years of Obama would work out as good as that time Prince tried to convince the world that from that point forward, he only be known as [unpronounceable symbol].
When some actress from some HBO show comes on an Obama campaign ad to tell you to vote for Obama because it will be as special as losing your virginity, tell her thanks for the voting advice and sorry your first time was such a bummer.